Monday, April 26, 2010

See, . . . . I Told You So!

About a year ago, May 5th, I was whining about the price of tobacco going up and how nobody gives a crap because it's "evil" to smoke in the first place. And I suggested that those people WOULD sing a different song if it was something that they enjoyed that was all of a sudden "evil" and they had to pay extra to have it. HA HA!! LOW AND BEHOLD! The "SUGAR TAX"!! Now all you soda suckin junkies get to feel the pain and cry the cry of unfairness because you like soda, and sure it will start out at a reasonably low almost unnoticeable amount that you will pay (ahem.... Just like tobacco tax) and after a few years, you'll find it continuing to climb until that tasty little pop will cost you around five bucks (wait... it's almost there now) let's say ten bucks after a decade of the government digging ever deeper into your pockets while trying to dissuade your use of the evil venomous sugar treat and you will not like it. Point is, if you like it, your going to pay it to drink it, even though it's supposed to be not good for you. So at the end of the day, I guess we all pick our poisons.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Job Hunt Continues.... But wait, what is this?

So the job search has been going on for months. A daily ritual that has brought about three interviews and one second interview with a company that I am really hoping to get in with. The pay is great, the work is something that I can easily accomplish and there’s hope for bigger and better things if I get in the door. I’m just waiting for the phone to ring. So in the mean time I still look, I’ve seen a lot of jobs advertised that say “Must be Korean” or “Must be Spanish Speaking” and I think, if there was an ad that said “Must Speak English” or "Must be White" I bet there would be an instant law suit. So I keep looking. Today I found the ad that really sparked my imagination. Some poor bastard is really going to apply for it too. This one brought about sound effects with the visions, I could hear electrical shocks accompanying screams, I heard the smash of broken glass and constant yelling, the thump of a body crashing into walls, . . .. . Horrible things, Smack! (back hand across the temporal lobe) WIPE UP THAT BLOOD! (kick in the groin while your down on the floor) Stop bleeding all over the place, get me my coffee you idiot and YOUR NEVER GOING TO BE FIRED! YOUR NOT THAT LUCKY! This job sounds like a torturous abusive environment that only a fool would apply for. And it’s a non-paid internship. What kind of a ……. I have no words.. I pasted the ad below, the names and locations have been X’d out to protect the innocent (me).


Date: 2010-03-04, 10:16AM PST
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

Exceptionally busy office needs a (very) hard-working masochist to perform menial labor. We are a real estate office, but you will be asked to do things well beyond the scope of real estate. You will not be appreciated. You will be asked to do things well beneath your skill set and paid less than what you're worth. You should expect to cry and break down on a daily basis. Deal with it!!! You will be asked to perform tedious and repetitive tasks and complete them in an unrealistic time frame. Coffee runs and lunch duties are a given! Expect to work well beyond overtime but not get paid overtime! Must be available 24/7! Think Ari on Entourage is a difficult boss and his assistant Lloyd is suffering? Think again! If you have ever seen Ugly Betty, shoot towards being a Marc Saint James type of assistant plus a million! You must always be a hundred steps ahead of the boss! Think you can handle it? Up for a challenge? Then this is the job for you! Email us today to set up an interview! No resume required!!!

• Location: xxxxxx
• Compensation: Experience!!!
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The "Whatever Man"

This guy made my day. Actually he made my week and maybe even my month with his antics. After this happened to me I spent the rest of the day laughing and I had a permanent smile on my face.
So the story is, we're out shopping and when we were leaving I'm getting ready to make a left out onto the side street from the parking lot. I stop and look, nobody coming from the left..... and to the right is a SUV coming down the hill at about 60+ mph (average speed for a residential neighborhood in LA)so I figure he must be going down to the light at the intersection which was to my left, same way I was going. So, I look left again, still no body coming, in my mind I figured that by now the SUV on my right should be about passing me so as I looked right again and started to creep out a little, in anticipation of his passing, to my surprise he's flying into the driveway right in front of me, nearly on two wheels barreling into the parking lot. In my surprise I said "What No Turn Signal?" and as he passed us into the parking lot he hangs out his window with one hand in the air, his truck going airborne off the driveway bump and says "Whatever Man!" .. as his head and arm bobbed back & forth from the jump he looked like a rodeo bull rider .... needless to say I couldn't respond, I was a gasp. What kind of response do you come back with, when your presented with the infamous "Whatever Man" from a flying lunatic jumping his truck at 60 mph on two wheels hanging out his window? Logically, there is none. So actually it was a great day and even a great week after that. I've found that if there's anything to just give any situation a resolution, just give it a Whatever Man! and move on with your day with a smile.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The New "Move Over Law"

Well folks there's a new law on the books that can get you a hefty fine for not moving over to the left if you approach an emergency vehicle, and if you can't move over, then you slow down to 20 mph below the posted speed limit. Gee what happens if your in a 15 mph zone? Do I back up at 5 mph? Or if I'm in a 5 mph zone do I back up at 15 mph? I didn't think too much math was ever required for driving until now. Is the required speed exponential? Say I'm driving in a 5 mph zone I see a cop up ahead, I proceed to go backwards at 15 mph, I see another cop coming up behind me so then do I proceed forward again at 5 mph? I think then I would end up getting a ticket for not going 15 mph backwards. Perhaps I should abandon my car and walk. But do I walk on the left side or the right side and how fast must I walk? What if I'm in a hurry now because I've been going forwards and backwards all morning and now I must run to keep my appointment? Perhaps I need to stay in bed. I'm tired from all the running anyway.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Week - Who knows, I've lost track of time

So I've found myself trapped in the midst of a huge cement jungle, fraught with danger, freaks, fruits and nuts. The mutants lurk at every turn, all of them trying to kill me in their desperate fight to be first in line. I sit quietly on the balcony, watching the mutants below, observing their behavior. If I can just figure out what makes them tick, it will help me to survive. But they are so inconsistent, so unpredictable, it's as though they just go bumping down the road of life like a rubber ball. No direction, no self discipline and worst of all, no conscience.