Sunday, May 31, 2009

Week 5

End of week 5.....I'm getting desparate.... I think I need to shave my head again to make room...... I just,....can't,... reach any more hairless spots on my upper body as directed by the instructions......UMPH!~... I think I just put my back out, and I'm positive that only kids under 5 can contort themselves like this....somebody please call 911.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Day 28

Here we are, Day 28. Four weeks, I'm on the last patch of the second box today. I need to get more patches. I still get cravings, this voice in my head starts going "I just want a frinkin smoke aah-ite!?" and overwhelming anxiety rushes through me because I'm disturbed that my inner voice has such poor grammar, like a hood from the Bronx,.... no matter..... but then after a little bit the feeling subsides, right around the time that I find two piles of sawdust right below each arm of the chair I'm sitting in..... I've got splinters deeply embedded under my fingernails.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Day 15, 16, 17, 18

Oh my, I am exhausted.... I've been chased around the entire town, all week, by that fricken freaky ass floating bird in a sphere... type...... thing.... shit. Well, as I went screaming around through the town, I noticed a nice crowbar laying on the ground, so in one foul swoop, (or is it fowl swoop) hehehehe, I leaped into a rolling summer sault, while simultaneously grabbing the crowbar, twisted around and landed backwards just right so as to be ready to knock that damn bird right out of the park... It was all very Mission Impossible like. Even I'm impressed.... So here's the picture of the results. I call it "aftermath". I'm noticing that if I'm spending a lot of time doing graphics, I'm not thinking about smoking.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Day 14

YAaaaAAAyyYy!! Day 14, Day 14!!! I know this to be true because the box of patches is now empty......wait .... empty....EMPTY??!! AAAAHHHhhgrrgh... Yes Folks that box is empty so,.... what,......NOW!??! Well, I could... stand on my head in the corner and gargle peanut butter until my eyes bleed.... OR ... I could start eating snails out of the back yard ONLY after taking the precaution of licking them first... OR ... Join the Circus!!... Gee I dunno, all those choices seem so good.... Not to worry folks, I have another box. I won't have to entertain any of those scenarios for another 14 days.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Day 13

This morning I decided to go out for a walk, I saw the strangest blue orb with a bird inside.... floating near me..... it was following me.... I began to scream and run from it... it was hideous....that freakish white bird!! AAaaahhh!!!

Dayz 11, 12

I have spent the last two days working vigorously on my final for html class. I'm pleased to announce that I've finished. It will only be hosted for about two weeks and they clear out the server to make way for the next semester, so go see it while you have a chance.

Also check out this fabulous questionnaire I had to make, I had to tweek it a little, the original version just wasn't.....original enough.

So, now on to day 13's events.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Day 10

The packaging also tells of strange dreams as a possible side affect, I’ve also read about this on the internet. What they don’t tell you is the real scary stuff that you may dream. I woke up about every 2 hours last night in a cold sweat, startled by a horrifying image, it was terrifying, ……. It’s body was green and had scales… had orange eyes…… gelatinous goop dripped from it’s mouth as it tore flesh from it’s victims carcass…… it thrashed about in the bushes, it hissed and popped, it…… was Albert eating a worm.

Day 9

It is slowly becoming apparent to me why they have you do step 1 for a week (7 patches), then do step 2 for 6 weeks (42 patches) then do step 3 for 8 weeks (56 patches), that's a total of 105 patches! Each of which are 1-3/4" square which comes to 183.75 x 2 is 367-1/2" square. Yes, it would take 367-1/2" square inches of your body covered in these patches to successfully complete the program. The package plainly states that the patch is to be applied only to the upper body, and to an area that does not have hair. So, I am now at day 9 and it is already getting tricky trying to find an open area of skin (that I can reach) to apply another patch. Also the directions do not say what to do if one falls off, I guess you just stick another one in it's place, like the tiles on the shuttle. I will need some help getting the patches on new areas as this goes on. I'm not elastic man.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Day 8

OK, so I made it to day 8, I've gained about 30 lbs from snacking, I drink about 5 gallons of water a day, and I'm having weird dreams as a side effect from the patch. All in all, I think I can actually do this.

Day 7

It seems that I've lost a day. The time portal was a disappointment, it lead me right onto the walkway in the front yard, and all the people there seemed really angry that I had gone through the portal......they kept yelling...what do you think you're doing? and why did you do that?....I went back through the portal but it did not work, I'm still in this time.....and now there's a hole under the sink leading to the front yard. Very confusing.....I'm struggling to get the tomato can off my head, I'm completely wrapped in duct tape, and I need to relieve myself. ...... Help....

Day 5

I have completed the suit made from duct tape and tissue, not having any buttons or zippers readily available, I have taped myself into the suit. . . . . . . . I’m all out of the preferred tin foil, so I have fashioned a helmet from a 1 gallon tomato can, and I was lucky to find an old pair of aviators goggles in the attic. I am now ready to pass through the time portal….. wish me luck.

Day 4

I have discovered that "Nicotea" (patent pending) is the best way to extract all residual usefulness from the patches, and also helps with the dilemma that they suggest you also not have coffee when trying to quit. I am also experimenting with flat tires….

Day 3

I have discovered that a time portal exists in the dark recesses below the kitchen sink..... something still blocks my passage through it..... I'll try drinking another 1/2 gallon of vinegar to see if that helps me slip into the other dimension.... need more duct tape and tissue..

Day 2

I've just eaten the Energy Star Compliant sticker off of the water heater...... and I can't get these damned patches to stay lit!... I just found my old tennis shoes from high school... I'm going to grind them up in the hopes that there's some residual nicotine stuck in the treads... wish me luck.

Quitting Smoking – The CigSaga Chronicles

Day 1


This is a subject that I think most people just don't care about because smoking is considered just an evil thing to do, it smells offensive and it has no purpose other than shortening the life of the user... yada yada fill in the blank,.... I Know, I've heard it, please don't e-mail me, I know... I've heard it, yep, yep, I know, please stop, I've heard it before.
I have been addicted to nicotine since I was about 12 or 13 yrs old. And obviously it has stunted my growth as promised by so many people in my life. Anyway I actually enjoy smoking. It is something that I have enjoyed most of my life. The only time I do not enjoy it is when a non-smoker hassles me about it, or if I am making someone else uncomfortable from my smoke. I usually go out of my way to stay clear of the non smokers whilst I partake of my own indulgence. As stupid as it is, some may get their enjoyment from a candy bar, or glass of orange juice.

As you may or may not know, Obama increased the tax on tobacco at a rate of 150% nation wide, and the state of California simultaneously added another dollar or two to the price of every pack. So it is now cheaper to quit than it is to smoke. You may remember that Obama is also a smoker, so what sense is it that he'd support raising the price of tobacco so much, well folks that's because he's not paying for it, you are with you're taxes. No matter how you slice it, it goes from our pockets, to the government, to pay the politicians, who go out and puff it up. I have struggled with trying to quit several times over the years. Lots of times the deciding factor was that I couldn't afford the smoking cessation products. It was just plain ridiculous. I've always thought that if it was so important to quit, then why the hell do they make you pay double to do it? Because Tobacco is a big cash crop for the government. And the wonderful thing is, it's like heroin, people can't just stop once they've started, and to make sure, the tobacco gets treated and soaked in nicotine to ensure that every smoker gets a good dose.

So today is Day One, I am being economically forced to quit, I cannot afford tobacco anymore. I've got the patch, from WALmart, the generic brand, only $21.00 for two weeks supply. I figure that I better get it while the gettin's good, because if they catch on to what I'm up to, they'll most likely raise the price of the patch!

There is also another message here. Today it's OK because those evil smokers are the one's getting to pay the extra taxes. But I wonder what would happen if it was something that YOU enjoy. What then? Maybe there will be a cheeseburger tax. Those fat drenched grease laiden bacon burgers aren't good for anybody, but they sure are addicting!! How about we get to pay $30.00 for a cheeseburger. Is that fair? I don't care, I'm a vegetarian you quickly say, inadvertently in time with Ms. Pelosi.........
Aaaah Good, how about $20.00 for those french fries then and $15.00 for that shake!